Christmas series
by amoureuse87
Summary: A few Christmassy fics. Was supposed to be a calendar but due to some things, didn't. Just some sweet Klaine oneshots
1. Chapter 1

I kept jumping around the house, trying to keep the voice down. I didn't care, I was already a grown-up, on my twenties, getting closer to thirties. I just _loved_ Christmas and all the stuff related to it. I didn't exactly believe in Christ or God, to me Christmas was for celebrating love. Just for spreading love, to your close ones and also a bit to strangers. It didn't hurt to smile to people even with not knowing them, it'd maybe cheer someone up.

I waited for Blaine to wake up, I wanted to let him rest and at the same time dance with me. He had come home late last night, he needed some relaxing. I still kind of couldn't believe that we had now a house of our own, and it even wasn't a really small place. We had no problems with money, it was coming and going, we were able to afford things but weren't too rich. From my point of view, it was quite OK. Too much would've been too much.

I walked to the kitchen, started to make breakfast. Today it'd be scrambled eggs, mostly. I didn't know if it was already late enough to start but well, it was time for Blaine to wake up. No matter if he had a hundred gigs yesterday, he should get up and celebrate the first of December with me. I knew he loved me but I wanted to hear it again and again, him repeating it, whispering to my ears. I needed to hear that I was loved.

I hummed Christmas songs while cooking; I was full of Christmas joy. I got scared when arms came around me, I couldn't help but scream. Then I realized that it was Blaine, I turned around and kissed him before he had a chance to tease me. I knew he was going to say that I screamed like a girl. It was true but maybe I could get him forget it. I used all of my kissing skills, it was like having sex with only our lips.

Blaine looked at me, smiling. He quickly kissed my lips again and pressed his forehead towards mine.

"I'm still going to say that you scream like a girl," he stated.

"And I really can't deny it. But you should already know that I scare easily," I claimed.

"I know. Which is why I try to scare you every once in a while, I wasn't complaining about your screaming, I think it's cute," Blaine said.

"Oh sure, I believe it. You just enjoy torturing me," I complained.

"No, really, it's sweet! But only when I know why you're scared, of course it's not funny at all if you have some other reason than me to be scared," he added and massaged my neck with his fingertips.

I closed my eyes and concentrated on Blaine's touch, it felt so good. He knew how to touch me to lift me to desire's gates. With him I had been more open than with anyone else and I regretted nothing. Our connection was special, I believed that we were happier than anyone else we knew.

"So, do we have something to do today?" Blaine asked.

"I don't know, in a way we could take out the decorations. Just take them down from the attic, even I think it's a bit early to spread them all over the house," I admitted.

"All right, let's do that. I was kind of referring to the possible visiting, didn't you say that someone had asked us to come? I've forgotten who it was," Blaine said.

"Oh, that's true. Finn asked us to come for a Christmas dinner. Or maybe it was a December dinner, I don't remember how he called it," I remembered.

"I have to admit that you two are the best possible step-brothers. I almost don't understand how excited you both can get when December starts. I only get that excited about you," Blaine laughed.

"Well, I get even more excited about you! But think about it, a whole month to celebrate and glorify love! What could be better?" I asked with a smile.

"When you put it that way...," Blaine said, looking like he was thinking.

I hugged him and we snogged a bit. I could've spent all day in bed with him, it would've been lovely. Just to express our love, get really united. With no hurry and need to care about anyone or anything else. He was the sweetest person I had ever known, I was really happy that he was the first one I'd ever dated. He'd also be the last one and I liked it that way.

"OK sweetheart, let go of me. I need to take a shower. The gig was good and all, I sure do smell like it too," Blaine laughed.

"You smell charming," I said and just tightened my grip of him.

"Good try. I don't want to go to Finn and Rachel's looking like this! But maybe, if you ask nicely, you could come and wash my back," Blaine suggested.

"You think so? Could I come to wash your back, please?" I asked, my eyes were shining.

"Yes you can. Let's get going, I believe we should buy some wine to take with us. And something for the kids, too," Blaine stated.

"Oh yes, goodies! Or something little and nice. No toys yet, only for Christmas present," I got excited.

"It's nice to see Joey and Helena again," Blaine said.

"It is, really nice. Maybe we should think about adopting again?" I suggested.

"Maybe. We are still kind of busy with our jobs but I can't deny that a little kid running around wouldn't be lovely. Let's talk about it later, I believe that we don't have the time for serious talking right now. Come, my back needs some rubbing," Blaine said, grabbed my hand and started to pull me to our bedroom.

I was even more excited, I had talked about adopting a child earlier but Blaine had been sure that we were too busy. I had been talking about kids every once in a while, not necessarily about adoption but kids on common. I didn't want to press him on this subject, it was way too big to be forced into him. Now he seemed to be a bit more interested than before, it was a good thing.

I watched Blaine undress, I totally understood why crowds went wild when he threw his shirt off during a gig. He was hot, really hot. I let my eyes follow the line of his abs, this was the best eye-candy I knew!

"Hey, eyes up here!" Blaine laughed at me, I quickly lifted my gaze, caught in action.

"What?" I asked, smiling widely.

"Unless you're planning of coming with your clothes on, you should undress yourself. I'd prefer you naked right now," he said and winked an eye on me.

It didn't take me too long to get my clothes away, Blaine took my hand and led me to the bathroom.

"Wait, do we have towels there? I washed some yesterday. And where's the sponge?" I asked and hesitated in following.

"I don't believe you took all of the towels from there. I can get some if there are none. And the sponge should be there. Oh just come here," he said, dragged me close and kissed.

I stopped for a while and just kissed him, but soon Blaine started leading us to the bathroom. We were walking slowly, caressing each other. When we came to the stairs, I forced myself apart from him; I didn't want us to fall. We walked down hand in hand. Even after all these years I still couldn't get enough of Blaine.

I rubbed Blaine's skin with the sponge, washed him well. I tidied up every inch of his body, got close every once in a while just to feel his wet skin on mine.

"Could we get a bit warmer water? It'd be nice," I asked.

"Sure. Your turn!" Blaine said and took the sponge from me.

It was pretty orgasmic to have Blaine cleaning my body with almost hot water pouring over our bodies. This was the second most fun thing we could do without our clothes on. His hands knew from where to rub, I was sure that I'd be clean after this treatment.

The shower session only lead to some serious smooching this time, which was good too. We went back to master bedroom, I sat on a chair and started to think about what to wear. Blaine was faster this time, he just dried his skin and put clothes on. He sat on the bed and looked at me.

"Should I pick the clothes for you or are you able to decide by yourself?" Blaine asked with a teasing smile on his face.

"I'm just waiting for my skin to dry, I think I've already cleared up what to wear," I tried to save the situation.

"So I better pick up something?" Blaine stated.

"Well, yes. Thank you," I smiled. He sure knew me well.

It didn't take long for me to get dressed after Blaine had decided what I should wear, we left right away. I tried to think about what we should get for the kids or for Rachel and Finn. Probably a bottle of wine was the best thing for Rachel and Finn but the kids... Too much sweets would destroy their teeth and all but I didn't want to get them any toys at this phase of month. They were almost spoiled anyway.

"What about we get them some toffee apples from that cute little kiosk, wouldn't that be nice?" I suggested.

"And Pinot Noire for Finn and Rachel?" Blaine continued. I nodded, we had a good plan here.

In less than one hour we rang Finn's and Rachel's doorbell. I could hear the kids running to the door, a warm smile invaded my face. I held Blaine's hand and looked at him. I most certainly wanted kids.

"Hey there, how are you?" I asked and went down to my knees to say properly hi to Joey and Helena.

"Hello uncle Kurt!" they screamed to my ears, I almost dropped the apples when they attacked me with their hugs. I couldn't help but laugh, they were crazy, just like their parents.

"Hey Finn and Rachel," I heard Blaine say, I didn't have time to react, I gave all of my attention to kids.

We got in quite soon, it was getting chilly, after all it was December. The whole house smelled really good, Rachel was an awesome cook and when she was cooking with Finn, the results were even more fantastic. I showed the kids the apples but added that they'd get them only after dinner.

"I'd like to remind you that we are still the parents. But I agree, toffee apples only after dinner," Finn said and waved his finger to Joey and Helena.

"So, let's sit down and eat, the chicken should be ready by now," Rachel said. I clapped my hands a few times, I knew it was going to taste great.

It was nice to sit down with the whole Hudson-gang, it didn't happen often enough. Joey and Helena grew up so fast, now they were even able to eat in a clean way. Helena was like Rachel's twin, just several years younger. I believed that she'd look just like Rachel, once she'd be all grown-up. Rachel looked so happy, as happy as she had been on their wedding day.

Visiting Finn and Rachel always made me feel good about being who I was, I held hands with Blaine under the table. He looked at me, I wanted to kiss him passionately, right here and right now, but I didn't dare. Not all scenes were suitable for children. But I could give him hot looks, almost eye-rape him. That was the least I could do.

"So, how would you two like to spend Christmas here with us?" Finn asked from all of a sudden.

"Well, we were planning on visiting mum and dad. And of course Blaine's parents", I answered.

"So are we, but for like rest of the holidays? I find it hard to believe that we live in the same town, we meet hardly ever nowadays!" Rachel stated.

"That's true. Let's think about it, I believe we'd want to say 'yes' straight away but we don't get too much time to spend by just the two of us," Blaine said.

"I totally understand. It's a bit the same with us, especially with the kids around. It's nice that they visit you at times," Finn admitted, Joey climbed to his lap. I looked at him and saw some special love in his eyes when he looked at his son. I wanted to have that too.

Talking with Rachel and Finn was nice, it was long since the last time. Before, Rachel and I had worked at the same theatre, but I had found a new place to work in. I had a better salary, which was nice but the best thing was that I could say something about things, suggest musicals and all. It was a lot harder than my work at the old place but I loved every bit of it. Besides, it was fun to gossip about the people we both know.

Finally Helena fell asleep to the couch, she had insisted in staying up with us. Rachel went to take the girl to bed, I started to think about leaving. It was getting late and I remembered hearing something about Finn having to go to work tomorrow. Joey was still awake but Finn said he'd put the boy to bed and then come to say goodbye. I nodded, me and Blaine would survive a little while by ourselves.

As Finn headed to upstairs with Joey, I got up and sat to Blaine's lap. He stroke my back slowly, I leaned on him.

"It has been a nice evening. And see, Finn was allowed to take the Christmas decorations down too!" I stated and pointed my finger to a box on one corner of the living room.

"It has, it has. I know, I noticed the box at the same moment we came to this room. I'm proud of you," Blaine said.

"Proud of me? Why?" I asked, I got a bit surprised.

"You haven't sang a single carol tonight. Or been over-Christmassy today in other ways," he explained.

I kissed him quickly, caressed his cheek with my fingertips. I leaned on him and breathed in slowly.

"I'm still going to say that if smells like Christmas here," I whispered on Blaine's ear.

"Dear, I believe that it's still the chicken," Blaine stated. I laughed at him and slapped him gently. He slapped me back and soon we were in the middle of a play-fight.

Rachel and Finn came downstairs, I got up as if lightning had struck me. It wasn't like we had been doing something they shouldn't have seen but I got scared when I heard Finn's voice behind my back. I decided to try to hide it and jumped to hug Rachel.

"I think it's time for us to go. We'll be thinking about Christmas," I promised.

"Well, OK, just let us know. It was nice to have you here," Rachel smiled.

"It was really nice to come. And the dinner was just delicious," Blaine stated.

The leaving took a while more, but I felt all warm inside when we sat to our car.

"Honestly, every time we leave here, I promise to myself that we would visit more often, but somehow it never happens," I told Blaine.

"True, true, it would be nice. Maybe we should really try more to do something about," he admitted and started the car.

When we got home, it was actually late enough for us to go to bed. I was quicker than Blaine, waited for him. I stretched myself to all directions, the day had been perfect. And besides, it was about to end in a perfect way too.I considered every day with Blaine as a blessing, it was hard to understand how blessed I was to actually have him.

I was smiling happily when Blaine came to the bedroom, he looked at me and turned the lights off.

"I was about to ask if you missed me but well, that smile on your face tells me that you were having fun," he stated and laid down.

"The opposite, in a way. I was thinking about you, because I missed you, and realised how lucky I am. Thus, I missed you with a smile on my face," I explained.

"Well, that kind of makes sense," Blaine laughed and pulled me close. His fingers were caressing my cheek, I kissed him.

"Today was a good day," he said slowly.

"It really was. Especially the evening, I'd say," I noted.

"I couldn't agree more. Listen, I've been talking about the adoption-thing," Blaine started.

I rolled myself over him, tried to get into a good position to see him better but the room was too dark for it. I had to imagine that I saw him properly. My eyes were shining, but they weren't lighting the whole room for us.

"And?" I asked, it was obvious that he was teasing me, being all quiet.

"I think we should adopt a kid. A boy or a girl, I don't mind, as long as it's our kid," he said and kept caressing my cheek.

"Really? It's going to be a long and hard process," I warned him.

"I know. But I love kids and seeing you today with Joey and Helena, it just broke my heart to think about us returning to an empty house, only you and me," he said.

"You don't think we should get a cat instead?" I asked.

"We should get a cat but I want us to have a child too. Just one, at first, I don't know how many I want, don't get your hopes up too high," Blaine warned me.

"It's ok with me. Blaine, have I ever said that I love you?" I asked.

"You have, a few times. And I love you too," he answered and kissed me. This was even a better way to end this day than I had thought.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Okay, about time to post the second oneshot :D I wanted to write something with a violin in it and well, here we have Friedrich with us ;D

I kept staring at Blaine, in a way he was the most annoying guy I knew. He played the piano, the guitar, the violin and what else, I believed that I didn't even know about every single instrument. He was definitely very good-looking, he was fun, he was everything one could ever ask for. I didn't believe in perfection, but if I was to believe in it, Blaine would've been close to being perfect.

The only thing that was wrong with Blaine was the fact that he wasn't mine. I wanted him to be mine but I hadn't been courageous enough. I kind of wanted to tell him but I didn't want him to know. If I told him that I loved him and he didn't feel the same, things would get awkward. I knew that I probably should tell him something, at least if I ever wanted something to happen.

"Kurt, you might want to look at someone else too, even for a while," Finn whispered to my ear.

I shook my head and realized that I actually had been staring too much. I turned my head a bit, checked how Rachel was doing. This was quite a special gig, just Blaine, Rachel, Mercedes and Puck. I was sitting with Finn, Lauren and Sam, but I wasn't too conversational tonight, I mostly just wanted to keep watching Blaine. I quickly smiled at Finn, thanked him about waking me up.

Their show was over way too soon, I enjoyed listening to every one of them. The moment when the performing four returned to our table was a bit awkward. All the other three were items, me and Blaine just friends. I hugged Blaine, though.

"You guys were awesome!" I stated and smiled.

"Thanks, it was so nice that you could come! Imagine me alone with the six of them, it'd be so terrible. Now we probably can sit here for a while. Had I arrived alone, I would've just left right after the show," Blaine said.

"Well, that's true. We can always talk when the others... cuddle," I spat the word out of my mouth as if it was a dirty word.

"To be honest, I wouldn't mind a bit of cuddling. But it's true," Blaine answered.

I didn't know what to say, so I just smiled at him and took a sip of my drink. I hoped that cider would ease me up a bit, I thought about what I should say.

"Hey, you still haven't taught me how to play the violin," I remembered.

"Oh, that's true! Should we start tomorrow? It's Saturday, we don't even have school," Blaine suggested.

"Tomorrow's good," I said at once, all time spent with Blaine was spent well.

"OK, then we shall do it. I do hope you'll be gentle with Friedrich, he's the very first violin I ever bought and I intend to keep it that way," Blaine winked his eye at me.

"I wish to do no harm to Friedrich but I might need some help," I answered and winked back. Even the bare idea of him helping me hold the violin in the right position kind of boosted me.

"We'll have that covered. Maybe I'll cover the floor with pillows and mattresses, just in case. Though I quite believe that you're able to hold Friedrich tight enough," he said and finished his cider. "Want another one?"

I nodded at him and lifted my right leg over my left one. I was about to get my wallet to give Blaine some money but he waved his hand.

"I'll pay this one, right? You can get the next ones," he stated.

I didn't even have time to answer, he had already gone. I couldn't help but smile wide, he was a stunning guy. I turned my head to my side, looked like the rest of the gang had pretty much got over the worst cuddling-moment. I hadn't noticed that we had got some strangers among us, they were talking with mostly Rachel and Mercedes. Rachel was the same as usual, really talky and active.

I tried to follow the discussion but failed to get on board. I gave up and just looked at Finn. He looked like he was out of everything too, I tried to catch his gaze.

"Finn, are you there?" I finally asked.

"Uhm, what, sorry Kurt, did you say something?" Finn apologized.

"No, not yet. I was about to, though," I admitted.

"Well, shoot it," Finn said.

"Blaine's going to teach me some violin tomorrow," I revealed.

"Sounds awesome, go for it," Finn supported me. I was about to say something, but Blaine returned. I turned back to Blaine and smiled. Tonight I'd warm him up and tomorrow would be the revealing-day.

The next morning wasn't as bad as I had thought, my head was a bit achy but not too much. I stretched my arms, today was going to be good. I was about to get up from bed when I heard some noise next to me, I got startled and jumped out of my bed. Had I accidentally slept with someone? That was something highly unexpected, plus I remembered nothing about anything that could've lead to this.

Someone was hiding under my quilt, I lingered closer and carefully lifted the corner. It could've been Finn, in a way, but I would've expected him to get to his own bed, once he got home, not on my bed. As I saw a hand, I recognized the hand and my memory returned. Blaine, of course it was Blaine. He had been quite drunk and had decided to sleep here. I had hesitated a bit, dad still wasn't exactly excited about me having male-guests sharing a bed with me. But I believed that it would be OK, after all it was just Blaine, he had been here before.

"Good morning, how are we feeling?" I asked, I had noticed that Blaine was laying in bed with his eyes open.

"Morning, it's quite good, I believe. I mean, I'm tired but well, not too achy," Blaine said.

"Well, you probably won't mind if I go and kind of try to find out what the mood is today? Would be also nice to inform that you're here, not just let them see you," I stated.

"Might be, you just go and I'll try to straighten up and get dressed," Blaine said.

I went to the toilet, I washed my face and tried to achieve a fresh look. I knew that nor dad neither Carole appreciated me and Finn drinking, even though they knew it happened every once in a while. They would never ever again allow us to go out again if we would show up looking too bad. I left the toilet and decided to go to the kitchen in my pyjamas, I wanted to tell them about Blaine as soon as possible, that would lead into less trouble, if any.

Carole and dad were both sitting in the kitchen, Finn wasn't there yet.

"Morning," I said and sat down.

"Morning son. How was yesterday?" dad asked and looked at me, valuating my state.

"Good, they really sang so well. Finn's not up yet?" I asked.

"No, you should know him by now, he'll probably get up in a few hours or so," Carole smiled. I smiled back at her, she was so sweet.

"Well, that's true, but I still wanted to ask. There's something I need to tell," I started.

"You didn't do drugs, did you?" dad asked at once.

"Drugs, no, what, dad? Of course no! I just wanted to tell that Blaine came over for the night, he's getting dressed," I said.

Dad looked at me, looking slightly judging. I pretty much knew what was about to come.

"You know how I feel about boy-guests?" he said slowly.

"I do and I'm sorry, but it felt easier, he was maybe a bit tipsy, I didn't want him to walk there all alone," I explained.

"Well, they have behaved well, haven't they," Carole chose her side. With just one look from Carole, dad kind of melt.

"They sure have, but's that not the point. It's still our house, it would be nice to find this out beforehand. If Blaine's coming over, just let us know before it happens, OK?" dad suggested.

I looked at him and nodded, it was kind of cool that way. He had a point there, it wasn't my apartment.

"Well, we're probably leaving soon, Blaine's going to teach me how to play the violin," I told, dad started coughing, apparently he had just tried to drink some coffee.

"I'm sorry Kurt, but you and the violin? Good luck with it," dad said. I just smiled at him and got up.

"Thanks. I'm sure not going to be the next Oistrakh but it might be fun anyway," I stated and went to get changed.

Blaine was already dressed, I tried to decide what to wear. I quickly took out something to wear from the closet, this would be a good outfit for today.

"They were cool with it, you may go to have some breakfast while I get changed," I told Blaine.

"I can wait for you," Blaine promised, I smiled at him. It was a bit awkward to dress up in front of him but well, he didn't know it. He didn't know I had this kind of feelings towards him, not yet. I felt a bit excited, thinking about speaking my mind out, but I was also very happy, today something could finally happen!

I got dressed quickly, we went downstairs to have some breakfast. I was feeling already so much better, it was a pleasant feeling. I, for once, felt sure about something. Dad and Carole had already left the kitchen, which probably was kind of good. I was always afraid that Carole would notice the way I looked at Blaine and would somehow tell something to Blaine. It was quite about time to talk to him.

We left to Blaine's home right after breakfast, we didn't even wait for Finn to wake up. I left Finn a message to the door of the refrigerator, I believed that he'd notice it from there.

"So, are you going to teach me the violin?" I asked eagerly.

"You're really in for it? Don't you have a headache?" Blaine asked.

"I had before but it's already gone! I'm feeling good," I informed him. It was sweet of him to remember that usually I got a massive headache from drinking.

"Well, that's great. I feel okay too, maybe we then should try the violin, just put the sordino on, the voice is quite strong," Blaine suggested. I just nodded, I didn't even know what a sordino was.

It didn't take long to get there, I was all jumpy and happy.

"Are you really that excited?" Blaine laughed, his smile lightened the whole room.

"I am," I admitted, it wasn't even a lie. I just didn't tell about what I was that excited. Besides, I wanted to play the violin, it might be fun!

After a while I noticed that the thought of fun was wrong, almost totally. The position that I was supposed to hold the instrument in made my body scream from pain. And the sound that I got out of the box was just terrible.

"I have to admit that this is harder than I thought," I said and put the violin down.

"Nothing is free, you have to practice! But actually, you're doing really well. That sounded like violin every once in a while," Blaine encouraged me.

"Come on, I know it sounded terrible," I said and slapped him in a friendly way.

"Well, can't deny that, but it was less terrible than with many others," Blaine stated.

I looked at him, his smile was wide, he looked even more handsome than usual. I just needed a few moments more, I was almost ready to do something. I picked up the violin again and asked Blaine to help me with the positions.

"You need to be more relaxed, your upper back is way too tight," he said and let his arms go around my back. It made all kinds of sparkles fly through my body.

I tried to play for a good while more, I felt nervous, which wasn't exactly helping me in trying to be relaxed. Blaine took my hand and tried to aid with the bow, he asked me to put the violin down for a few moments, we could concentrate just in the bow. I gently put the violin back to it's case and let Blaine grab my hand. He was explaining something to me but I really couldn't listen at all, I was just staring at his eyes. Now, this was my moment.

I let Blaine hold my hand, watched out the bow while I used my left hand to pull Blaine closer and kissed him. He seemed to be a bit surprised, I almost ripped myself off from himself but then he seemed to relax a bit. His lips were the softest thing I had ever touched, they were actually interacting with my lips! It felt so much better than anything else before, this was what we should've been doing from the very beginning.

Blaine finally let me go a bit further after a few more good kisses, I was breathing fast while looking at him. Then I remembered I still had the bow in my hand and laid it to the case; this wouldn't be a good moment to break anything.

"What was that for?" Blaine asked.

"Just a thank you, it's nice of you to try to teach me how to play the violin," I tried to be fun but my mouth was almost too dry for me to speak.

"Words wouldn't have been enough?" he asked, looked like he didn't know where he was.

"No. What did you think of it?" I asked, it really wasn't the best way to put the thing but well, it was the first sentence that came into my mind.

"I think that you're one heck of a kisser," Blaine stated with a voice so firm that it made me doubt if he had tested several guys before me.

"Thank you, I suppose. See, that's something I've been wanting to talk about, but I just haven't known how to start. I might kind of have some kind of special feelings for you, you know. Like, uhm, the kind of feelings that get you all warm and jumpy inside," I tried to explain but my brain was a mess right now.

"I know what you mean," Blaine whispered and stepped closer. "I feel that way right now."

"You do? You mean you... uhm...," I tried to ask but didn't really know how to end.

"You know what I mean. Can we talk about it later, right now I feel like trying to kiss your lips off," Blaine said and leaned towards me. It was good that I didn't know what else to say right now, because I wouldn't have had any time to say it out loud. But I had to admit that kissing was way nicer than speaking. Especially kissing Blaine.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Sooo, it might be a great time for the third one ^^ and a special hi/thanks for BieberHendersongrl for your nice review! :D

Blaine was so cute when he kept walking around in circles. The backstage wasn't that big at all, and yet he found space to almost trot in perfectly shaped circles. He always did so when he was nervous. Blaine was always the outmost nervous before any gig or show. Had been for the past ten years and would possibly be until the very last show ever.

At first he had managed to get also me nervous but I had pretty much got over it. Only sometimes the restlessness caught me too. I, after all, wasn't even the one performing, not tonight. Today it was all about Blaine. And well, about the band, of course. But to me it was mostly about Blaine, I could never deny it. The Forevers had good group dynamics and they played really well but I only had eyes and ears for my man.

I usually tried to calm Blaine down but I knew that right now it would've been all in vain. He was too busy walking around, he wouldn't have listened to me at all, no matter what I said. Confessing my love, revealing my secret, deadly illness, threatening his life, nothing would've got through to his brain. Blaine was just pacing around, putting one leg in front of another, again and again.

I let my eyes follow him, he was looking absolutely gorgeous; he had never been anything less. He had his black, almost too tight jeans on, along with the white collar-shirt that had a few buttons open. In a way I could've just thrown him to the sofa and taken him fiercely right there. That was not going to happen though, most unfortunately. I sighed and kept on staring at Blaine. He looked pretty much the same than when we started dating in the first place. Of course it could be seen that years had gone by us, but in a good way. Mature Blaine was very hot, actually maybe even hotter than teenager Blaine.

Blaine started warming up his voice, I looked at the clock. He had still almost four hours before the show would begin but well, it was good to start in time. I knew he wasn't going to sing for the whole four hours, that wouldn't have been good. I joined his warm-ups, it was almost like a competition, which one could sing higher. I, of course, was the one to hit the highest notes, I was way more soprano-like than Blaine.

Soon Blaine sat next to me at the sofa, I took him under my arm; kept him safe from the mean world for a while.

"I bet no one's going to come," Blaine said quietly.

"Relax sweetheart," I said and took a second peak to the lock. "It's still three and a half an hour before the gig. The doors have barely been opened to the public."

"And there's like three persons now," Blaine complained.

"Isn't it good? They're either three devoted fans of three persons that want to get drunk. If everyone was here already, they'd just get way too drunk by the actual time," I tried to cool him down. I could remember a few times that we'd had pretty much this exact same discussion, Blaine was always concerned about his audience.

Blaine sat totally quiet, I let my hand slowly stroke his arm. Every once in a while I whispered some convincing words to his ear, but I wasn't sure if he actually heard me. He was so concentrated in what ever he was thinking of. Probably the lyrics or chords or how he should wave his hand when walking to the stage. Something really important anyway.

I tried to start a conversation every once in a while, I thought it might loosen Blaine a bit. As usual, he wasn't too conversational, but I was used to it. Only when I started to talk about Madonna, our cat, he seemed to wake up.

"Do you really believe she'll miss us? I mean, we're going to be away from home four weeks, the tour is surprisingly long," Blaine asked.

"I do, but it's okay. She's with Finn and she pretty much adores him. We couldn't have taken her with us, not for a month long tour," I stated.

"I miss her," Blaine revealed.

"So do I. But luckily I have you, my little puppy," I aid and pinched Blaine's cheek.

"Love you too," he said on showed his tongue to me.

Blaine decided to take a nap before Trent, Mike and Tim would return to the place. They had left somewhere right after the soundcheck. They had been planning about returning one hour before showtime.

"The usual half an hour?" I asked as Blaine started to get ready for his nap.

"Yap, do you think it's OK? I still have enough time to wake up properly?" he worried.

"You do dear, a half an hour isn't that much. And anyway you won't fall asleep at the same exact moment you lay your head to my lap," I said.

"And you're comfortable? No need to use the toilet or anything?" he asked and started to lay down.

"I'm good, you just have your nap and relax. I'll guard your sleep," I promised and smiled at him.

I gently let my fingers caress Blaine's face but then let my hand rest on his breast. It wouldn't help him fall asleep if I'd harass him all the time. I just looked at him, he managed to look incredibly cute while sleeping. He was never the one snoring or drooling in his sleep, I took care of all that. Blaine could concentrate in being cute while I was the weirdo. Well, it was totally okay, it was normal for us.

I couldn't help but smile wide while looking at my sweet Blaine. My man, my _husband_. It was pretty awesome to know that he was completely mine, also in the eyes of law. Even though his promise to be mine forever had been enough, it was nice to know that even everybody else had to accept that he belonged to me. Our rings were pretty, I had suggested these, also Blaine had fallen in love with these right away he had seen them.

No one entered while Blaine was having his nap, I could totally concentrate in thinking about stuff. So far, my life had been great, we had been living in New York ever since high school. I kind of missed a bit quieter environment but at this phase of our careers it was easier to stay here. We had been talking about buying a house or at least an apartment of our own, but we hadn't been able to decide where it should be located. I loved New York but truth be told, I had no desire in spending the rest of my life here.

I was picturing us having an apartment in Los Angeles when Blaine woke up.

"Good morning sunshine," I smiled.

"What time it is?" Blaine asked and rubbed his eye.

"Eleven, five to eleven to be exact. You still have two hours," I told him.

"Good. Did you get any rest?" he asked and sat properly next to me.

"Well, no one interrupted us, I had time to think, so that's what I was doing," I explained.

"What were you thinking about?" he asked.

"About Los Angeles, at the moment. I still have no idea about where I'd want to live. New York is good enough for now," I stated.

"Well, I have no idea what so ever either. But the idea is still very tempting. You and me in a house of our own, with a small yard, maybe also a garden. A dog and a few cats. Maybe two kiddos too," Blaine painted a picture and looked at me.

I looked deep into his eyes and tended his cheek. It sure sounded great, I started to feel good about having children too.

"Sounds lovely," I smiled.

"Even the kids?" Blaine asked, obviously with curiosity.

"Even those. I'm starting to feel more and more able to take care of kids," I admitted.

"You would've been able to do it years ago. You would be an awesome dad," Blaine stated.

"Well, I'm starting to be confident," I said.

"So we'll wait a bit more, we have time. It's a huge decision, I don't want to rush you into anything that big," Blaine said with a firm voice.

I looked at him sheepishly and kissed his forehead.

"Thank you," I said.

"For?" Blaine asked.

"Accepting me for who I am," I answered.

"I would never want you to be anything else than yourself. Please, never change," Blaine said and played with that lock of hair that always escaped to my forehead. I held his hands and leaned on slowly, gently brought our lips together. How was this even real, how did men like Blaine exist?

Blaine lift his left arm on me, I held his right arm and played with his fingers. My head was resting on his shoulder, his head leaned on mine. In a way this whole situation was silly, I couldn't help but laugh.

"What?" Blaine asked.

"This is just so fun. Here we are, you have a show beginning in an hour and a half, about, and here we sit, talking about adopting children," I explained.

"Well, it's a topic, among many others," Blaine shrug his shoulders.

"It is. I love children," I said and straightened up, it wasn't that pleasant to keep my head on a shoulder that was moving.

"I know, so do I. Just think about it. I want you to be totally sure before we do a thing," Blaine stated.

"What if I'm never ready?" I asked.

"Then we won't adopt. Maybe just get a few more pets then," he said and shrug his shoulders again.

We fell silent, sank in our own thoughts. In a way I loved the idea of having a kid around, but it would change many things. I turned my head quickly to the door when it opened, it was just Trent, Mike and Tim returning.

"Hey guys, all good?" I asked.

"Yap. All good here?" Trent asked and sat next to Blaine.

"Yes. Nervous but good. I should start warming up," Blaine said on got on his feet.

The nervousness caught also me this time, I followed Blaine around, tried to calm him. I believe I failed at it , I was way too restless myself.

"Are you sure you've drank enough water? But not too much either," I tried to ask Blaine. He stopped looked at me and smile with the most amused look on his face.

"Yap, I'm good. I suppose this shouldn't go this way, but calm down, alright?" he said and held my shoulders.

"It's your own fault, your excitement gets into me too!" I complained.

"Sweet, dear. Are you going to wait here or are you going there to see me?" he asked.

"I'll sneak out of here, I most definitely want to see you on stage," I answered.

"Good," Blaine answered and forced me to sit down.

I wasn't able to sit down for long, but at least I stopped walking. I stood in front of Blaine.

"It's a good thing you have that light blue shirt on today," Blaine said from all of a sudden.

"Why?" I asked, I quite didn't follow him this time.

"It'll be easy to find you from the crowd. If there's going to be anyone," Blaine sighed.

"Well, not that I was listening, but the place is now almost full, with still 45 minutes until the gig, they believe it's going to be sold out," Trent noted, he also was sitting on the sofa.

"Oh, really? You must find a place from which it'll be easy for me to see you, I simply can't survive otherwise!" Blaine stated and looked at me with his beautiful puppy eyes. I couldn't resist, I promised to find a good spot.

While the starting time got closer, Blaine cooled down. He started to look confident, more like his usual self. Also I started to feel better, I could sit down calmly again.

"I feel so good, this is going to be the best gig ever!" Blaine said and looked at me with laughter in his eyes.

"Haven't I been saying it all the time? Come here you little fool, I want to hug you," I said and got on my feet. Blaine walked to me and closed his arms around me. I held him tight, kissed a few times.

"You should go. It's getting late and you must find a good place," Blaine reminded me and pushed me away.

"I'll do so, maybe I'll talk to the security guys and get them help me. OK, you go there and be your usual, charming self. I love you," I whispered to Blaine's ear.

"I love you even more," he whispered back and kissed me softly again. I smiled and waved my hand as I was walking away. I was sure the gig was going to be the most awesome.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: So so so, time for the fourth one ^^ I could've published these in a bit more clever way but well, that's me XD and again, thanks BieberHendersongrl for your nice review ^^ also others can leave a few words, you know ;D ah well. I want to say that I love diaries. I'd kind of want to write a fic only with excerpts from either Kurt's or Blaine's diary (or maybe from both) but well, haven't done it at least yet XD it would be slightly challenging, too. Maybe I'll try at some point! ^_^

"_Hi diary!_

_Honestly, I can't believe that I've had a diary ever since I learned how to write and still I don't know how I should start. And I complain about it at least once in a week. But it kind of feels weird, write to a book as if talking to an actual person. But at least it helps with everything, thinking and so on._

_Today it's all about Blaine. Once again. I believe that my writing today'll mostly be an ode to Blaine. I miss him, I miss him an awful lot. He has been away for six days now, on a family holiday. They're coming back tomorrow morning, at least that's the last piece of information I've heard. They're on their way back but well, with the caravan it's easy to stop and sleep a bit. The caravan must have a pretty good heating, otherwise it'd be terrible._

_I can't believe that it's already December. Time has really flown by, it's amazing. It's so strange that when ever I'm with Blaine, the clock seems to be running faster than Usain Bolt, but when ever I'm alone, it's slower than the slowest snail. It kind of kills me that I can't spend every single moment of my days with Blaine but then again, we spend most of our time together. We sleep in different houses most of the time, we don't share too many lessons but all the other time is basically for us._

_In a way I know I shouldn't be complaining, we are in a good situation. Some couples face incredible difficulties if the other half is forced to move, for instance. I, for example, wouldn't know what to do if dad, Carole and Finn chose to move away. Should I go with them or stay here? I bet I could live with Blaine in his room, if it would be okay with his parents. Maybe I could get a job and pay something for them. I probably wouldn't be able to afford an apartment of my own anyway._

_In that case I'd have Blaine but not my family. Not the other three persons that are closer to me than anything else. I'd miss them too, a lot. I do know that at some point our ways are going to part, but I do wish it'll take a while more. Now dad's in a good shape but you never know. He's started taking care of himself in a totally different way, he wants to be around._

_But I know that I couldn't leave Blaine. I could never leave him behind, not even if it meant that I had to let my family go. Maybe I'd convince him to move with us! He'd sure miss his family, they are close too. It would be a hard decision, no matter what. Luckily it all is just painting devils to the walls, everything is good now and will be for a good while more._

_I simply can't get enough of Blaine. Last week, the night before they left, I was staying at his place for night. Our parents still hesitate with letting us share the bed, no matter in which house we'd sleep. But this time we were allowed to sleep together. I stayed up most of the night, just listened to Blaine's breathing. It was one of the most beautiful symphonies ever composed, made me relax and feel good about everything. Laying in the darkness with that being the only sound around us, nothing could be more calming._

_The nights have been empty, terrifying and attacking ever since that night. Knowing that he's now several hundred miles away makes me feel lonely, even though I know I could call him when ever I feel like it. I've never had this kind of feelings before; when we're both sleeping in our own beds, I miss Blaine but it's different. I know that he's only a few miles away and if needed, we can reach each other pretty fast. I'm alone but not lonely._

_I do wish that he's allowed to sleep at our place the first night they're again here. It feels like I'm starting to forget how Blaine's heart sounds like! I know it's terribly silly, but I love to lay my head on his chest and listen to his body, his heart. It's one of the most calming things I've ever known! And I already talked about listening to Blaine's breathing, it's the thing that keeps me going. Really knowing that he's alive. And in a way, knowing that his heart beats for me._

_I know that I'm a romantic person but I believe that I'll never get bored of hearing how much Blaine loves me. No matter if it's a simple 'I love you' or a full song of love, it all means a lot. Even though I've grown a lot, in both physical and mental ways, I'm still a bit insecure inside. I'm afraid that someone will steal Blaine from me. It's not that I wouldn't trust Blaine and all, but I doubt myself._

_Sometimes I still feel that Blaine deserves something better than me. I haven't said it to him and I probably never will, it could be taken only the wrong way. It sounds too much like a break up-line and that's definitely NOT what I mean. I just feel that I'm not enough, that I should be better and more. And yet I know that Blaine loves me for who I am, he wouldn't want me to change even though he knows my flaws. He wants me to trust in myself, because he has faith in me. He knows I'd never hurt him._

_I have hard time believing that Blaine actually is human. It sounds extremely stupid but he sure could be an angel. Fallen from heaven, sent to save my life. How could any human being be like him? We all have our flaws, also Blaine, but they seem so small and meaningless, like the fact that he's unable to draw a perfect circle. Who cares? There aren't too many that can. He is witty and friendly and pretty much everything you could ask for. All of that and lots more._

_I love the way he touches me, it's merely a touch and yet it's so sensible that it makes me want to scream. I love the way he walks close to me, the way he slowly closes his eyes when he's about to kiss me. I love every inch of his body, his pretty little earlobes, his knees, his everything! As you can see, dear diary, I'm no more afraid to admit that I love him. _

_I LOVE BLAINE!  
><em>

_I LOVE BLAINE!_

_I LOVE BLAINE!_

_See, I could literally run out and shout my love to the whole world! There would sure be lots of people who would hate me and the fact that I happen to love someone but there would be also people who would allow me to love someone. I'm pretty sure about that. There are many bastards on this planet and there will always be. I can just hope that they won't beat the shit out of me but well, they could decide to hate my neighbor because his car is the wrong color or something as ridiculous._

_But what's more important in me being able to say that I love Blaine, is the fact that I dare to say it to him. I can whisper it, I can say it in words, I can kiss him or use my body in other ways to let him know. Not everything can be expressed with words, love is one of those. Words can be a part of it, of course, but alone they are a bit shallow. It's an easy thing to say but really to mean it, boy, that's hard!_

_Love isn't easy in any ways. It's a huge, huge thing that continues to grow every single day. For a long time, I was about to say it out loud, I was afraid that my feelings weren't deep or strong enough so that they could be considered as real love. Now I know more about love and myself, I know that I have loved Blaine for a long time. To be honest, and this is going to sound really stupid, but I'm going to say it; I believe that he's the love of my life._

_Writing that last sentence took ages. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, but still. I'm young and it sounds and feels like a naive thing to say, but I really want no one else than Blaine. I'm extremely happy that I was lucky enough to meet him in my quite early years, it saved me from a lot of searching. Some people search for their other half for several decades, some maybe even never find their real partner. I know this is going to last._

_It still sounds a bit silly. But I don't mean that I'd believe that we won't face any problems. Sometimes we disagree about things, some day we'll have our first real fight. I don't think that an argument about which shirt I should wear can be considered as a fight. But problems belong in every single relationship, it's natural, normal and okay. They are born to be solved, and I actually believe that they strengthen the relationship._

_Besides, people say that fierce make up-sex is pretty awesome._

_Thinking about having sex with Blaine makes me shiver. We definitely haven't been doing it, as you probably remember, I sure would've wrote about _that_. Touching at least is more than awesome, the feeling that we are really close to each other. I feel that I'm blushing even now, I still feel a bit uneasy when talking about this matter, but it's getting easier. I'm just so happy that Blaine is Blaine, he isn't trying to push me into anything. To be honest, I believe that he's a bit excited/afraid/something like that too. I know it's going to be awesome once we do it._

_Maybe I should try to think of something else than Blaine. The fact that I'm going to see him only tomorrow is breaking me inside. Then again, I've lasted six days already, maybe I can deal with this last one too. I know that dad too is waiting for Blaine to get home. It was only yesterday when he complained me being all sulky and distant and full of distant sighs and what else? Getting Blaine back will do the trick for that._

_Finn has also been great, he knows that I don't want to be alone. Without Blaine, that is. He has been spending a lot of time with me, we've been to the movies, we've talked, we've walked and so on. For once, it feels like I understand who he's dating at the moment and who he's in love with. All in for Rachel now. To be real honest, we shall see how long that lasts. I don't say that it's anyone's fault, but Finn seems to be unable to decide. Maybe there's something more in it, maybe I could never understand why he has problems with Quinn and Rachel._

_I, on the other hand, haven't had that kind of problems ever since I saw Blaine. Well, I've never had that kind of problems, to be accurate. Finn is quite different from me, probably this is one of our differences. I'm simply so in love with Blaine that I don't get how I could be romantically interested in someone else! Blaine is everything I want in a man, I could never find anyone better!"_

I had to stop writing, because hands blocked my sight.

"Come on Finn, I know you caught me, I didn't even notice you get in," I started but then realized, that it wasn't Finn. This odor was different, something even more familiar. "Blaine?"

For a while I felt how the hands shook a bit, then I heard Blaine laugh. I quickly turned over, almost hit him with the chair and got on my feet. I stared at him for a few seconds and then attacked him with my lips. He still tasted the same, he still responded to my kiss the same way. His hands knew their routes around my body, he pulled me close.

"Hey pookie," I said quietly and smiled really wide.

"Hi babe," Blaine answered with his lips so close to my ears that it tickled a bit.

"How come you're here already?"

"Dad wanted to drive home now, we were approaching home faster than we thought. Probably it means that they got tired of my sighing and decided to bring me home a bit earlier. Mum even gave me a lift when I said that I want to come right away. They need both cars tomorrow morning."

"So that means you're staying for tonight?" I got excited, that was good news!

"Yes, it does. I even asked Burt and Carole about it, they were in the living room so I stopped there for a while on my way to you. By the way, they apparently believe in God, taken how graciously they were thanking Him," Blaine laughed.

"I believe it. I may have been missing you quite a bit," I confessed. Blaine caressed my cheek with his finger, kissed my forehead quickly.

"I've missed you a lot. But now I'm here and you're here, everything's all nice again! So, what were you doing when I interrupted you? You seemed to be pretty concentrated in what ever you were doing," Blaine asked.

"Well, I was... writing," I said, shrug my shoulders. What else could be said?

"I kind of noticed that. What were you writing?" he continued, sat on my bed and pulled me next to him.

"My diary. Kind of. In a way it's just and ode to you, to be honest," I joked.

Blaine looked deep into my eyes, I believe that he actually saw how I, deep inside, wasn't joking at all. His face seemed to lighten up even more, he brought his lips to mine for a tender kiss.

"That is so sweet of you. How can you even be so cute?" he asked and kissed my nose.

"Want to read it?" I asked abruptly, I wanted Blaine to know but I knew that I couldn't say all those words out loud.

"Read? But it's your diary!" Blaine stated.

"Only those pages, I wouldn't wish you to read all of it, just those pages. Because... uhm... I'd kind of want to say all those things to you but I don't know why," I said, I could feel how blood rushed to my cheeks, making them bright red.

"If you are sure of it. Hand me the book with right pages open and I'll go for it," Blaine smiled, reached his hands to me and looked absolutely alluring.

I quickly checked that there was nothing in between of pages, I didn't want any embarrassing secrets to fall on Blaine's lap. Then I gave him the diary and looked at him while he read it. In a way I could've let him read every single page, but it was a slightly scary idea. Those were all my thoughts, said in my way, I didn't even think the same way about all things anymore. Certain things were now really embarrassing. No, it was good just to let him read these few pages.

Blaine looked so clever with his glasses, he had them on today. Most of the time he wore contacts but I actually almost preferred those glasses. I followed how Blaine's cheeks and lips moved, he smiled all the time. It made me relax, he obviously was liking what he saw. Who wouldn't have liked to hear that someone loved them?

Blaine didn't look at me even once while he was reading, his eyes kept on following new lines. After finally getting to the end of what I had written, he turned his eyes to me. I could almost see tears in his eyes, even though they weren't completely formed yet. I straightened my arm just to stroke his cheek, he took a hold of my hand.

"Do you really feel all that? Do you really have so deep feelings? Do you... do you really... like... _love me_?" Blaine asked hastily, his voice got really fast by the last sentence.

"I do. I love you. A lot," I answered, it wasn't enough to describe everything but well, it had to do now.

"I know I've said this a thousand times but it can't be said as many times as I'd want to! I love Kurt, I love you more than anything. Come here you little, I want to kiss you now!" Blaine demanded, I leaned on and felt his lips on mine. A fresh touch it was, perfect as usual. Yes. This was a great day.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do NOT own the bolded sentences, they're from Whataya want from me from Adam Lambert

A/N: This fifth one is a song fic, it's a bit angstish maybe but well, we shall see if it has a happy ending or not ;D not everyone's xmas is happy anyway. And thanks BieberHendersongrl, especially with the s-thing XD I actually wasn't sure if there should be 's' in the ending or not. In Finnish we wouldn't use the plural-form, I just couldn't remember how it was with English XD then I guessed and failed! I'll fix it now! Thank youuuu ^^ But now, on to the story we go -

_Hey, slow it down, whataya want from me? / Whataya want from me? / Yeah, I'm afraid, whataya want from me? / Whataya want from me?_

Oh no he just didn't. He couldn't. I kept staring into Kurt's eyes, he had kind of hinted about this earlier, but he had never been this... _straight_ about it. A poor choice of words, in a way, the thing was anything but straight.

"You care about me?" I asked and turned more to him. We were sitting on his bed, we had been doing homework.

"I do. A lot. In a special way," he added.

"But you do know that I suck in romance. That I'm kind of afraid of it after what happened with James?" I reminded, the flashbacks returned immediately. I'd thought he loved me, didn't care that he had been a few years older, thought it was real. He did nothing good to me, only raped in both mental and physical ways.

"I do and I'm still so sorry you had to go through it. But you can't live in the past for the rest of your life. Some people are terrible douchebags, James was unfortunately one of those. You do know I'd do none of those things to you?" Kurt asked.

I looked at him and nodded, he seemed to be relieved and smiled. He reached for my hand but suddenly pulled his hand back. Actually, it was a good idea, this whole moment was a bit freaky right now. I knew he'd do nothing to harm me but well, I didn't feel too comfortable at this moment, not even with Kurt.

"Should I be able to say something clever now?" I asked carefully.

"No, you don't. It's just that we've been honest to each other so I wanted you to know. I know it's a lot, but I thought I had noticed something similar in your eyes", Kurt stated, his eyes suddenly looking really serious.

"I... I... I don't know what to say, not right now. Can I just go home and think about it? Would it hurt your feelings?" I asked hastily, I wanted to be alone right now but I didn't want to bring Kurt down.

"Of course not, it's okay. Do you need a ride?" Kurt asked and got on his feet, I had left my car home. I shook my head, a little walking would do just good.

_There might have been a time when I would give myself away / Oh once upon a time I didn't give a damn / But now here we are so whataya want from me? / Whataya want from me?_

The air was cold, it indeed was December. 22nd of December already, I couldn't believe how time flew. I pushed my hands deep into my pockets and walked a bit faster. I hardly even noticed what happened around me, I had so much to do in my own thoughts. This was a mess. In two ways. It was slightly disturbing that Kurt told me that he cared about me, in that way. But what was even more disturbing, was the fact that I had the same kind of feelings towards Kurt.

I had fallen in love with Kurt a while ago. Oh well, love was strong word to be used in this phase. But anyway, now I know that we both wanted more out of this relationship. The fact is that I was really afraid of letting anyone that close. Even Kurt. He knew things about me that no one else did, and yet I was still so afraid.

It was all about James, him and nothing else. I had literally almost died, he had beaten me pretty badly after the last rape; I still had some scars in my body. Some of the scars were in my heart, those were the kind that would never going to heal. They had been too deep, I had been bleeding for such a long time. I still remembered how I wished that I'd die, those days were gone but I was so afraid.

I was afraid of love, even a mare thought of it mortified me. All the cuddling and touching was nice, that I couldn't deny. But that I should open myself, let someone see inside me, that was scary. Kurt already know quite a lot of me, but it would still be different, in a way. Besides, if we were to find out that it didn't work between us, I'd lose Kurt. That'd be the hardest thing to bare.

_Just don't give up, I'm workin' it out / Please don't give in, I won't let you down / It messed me up, need a second to breathe / Just keep coming around_

I heard the doorbell and looked at the clock, it was already half past eight.

"I'll get it!" I shouted, I had no idea where mum and dad were but it felt like a good idea to get on my feet again. I had been sitting on the same spot ever since I came home.

I opened the door and felt something slightly freezy get a grip of me. Cold wind was blowing in but I knew these arms, I didn't mind. Of course it was Kurt, who else it could've been? He held me close, when did he get that much strength to his arms? I almost started crying, I could feel how my eyes got a bit watery.

"I'm sorry that I came. Or actually I'm not. I wanted to give you time but I didn't want to leave you alone. But you're not alone, your parents are at home. Ush, I'm sorry I'm such a mess, I just wanted to see you," Kurt explained and looked deep into my eyes.

"It's okay, come in," I suggested, now it started to get cold, I wanted to close the door. "It's Kurt!"

"Hey honey, are you staying for the night?" I heard mum ask.

"It's okay, but if you are, no loud giggling is allowed, I have an early morning tomorrow," dad announced.

"I don't know yet, we'll see," Kurt answered and looked at me. He was smiling, but the smile wasn't the same as usual, it was weird.

We walked to my room, I was thinking hastily what to say. I knew I had to say something, hell, I _wanted_ to say something. I just didn't quite know how to phrase it. We sat on my bed, Kurt sat right next to me, so close that his arm touched mine.

"Actually it's a good thing that you came, some talking would probably ease my mind. At first you should know that I have the same kinds of feelings towards you," I spat it out at once.

"You do?" Kurt seemed to get surprised.

"I do, even though it isn't that easy to accept it. Because I really, really care about you and sometimes relationships end and I wish never to leave you. When there's love attached, it gets more difficult," I explained.

"I know. And I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you, you'll sure get all the time you need," Kurt promised. "I maybe shouldn't even have talked about this already."

"No, no, it's all right!" I cried. "I'm just a bit of a mess."

_Yeah, it's plain to see / That baby your beautiful and there's nothing wrong with you / It's me, I'm a freak, yeah / But thanks for lovin' me 'cause you're doing it perfectly_

Kurt sat silently by me, he carefully lifted his hand on mine. It felt different than before, but I didn't pull my hand away. It felt good. I looked at Kurt's eyes and felt relieved. He still was the same boy that was my friend, that would never hurt me. He was so much more than I even deserved.

"I'm so lucky to have you," I smiled weakly.

"No, I'm luckier to have you," Kurt said immediately, smiling sheepishly.

"Could we just say that we both are lucky? I don't think there's anyone else who'd be as gentleman-like as you are. You know so much about me and yet you still are by my side," I wondered.

"That's because it all makes you who you are! You are a whole package, and a damn good one, if I may say so," Kurt laughed and poked my side.

"Quit it, you know it makes me feel uncomfortable! Don't say a word more and I won't start talking about your eyes," I threatened him. I had been talking about Kurt's eyes also before, I had always been fond of people's eyes and well, Kurt had really shiny and pretty ones.

"Ok, we have a deal," Kurt agreed.

I looked at Kurt, it was like he was waiting for something. Maybe he was, but he was too kind to ask about it. He probably wanted to know what I thought about us. Should we remain as friends or should we let it develop. I didn't know, I had no idea what would be the best choice. I leaned on Kurt, he lifted his arm on me. I felt safe.

_Yeah, there might have been a time / When I would let you step away / I wouldn't even try / But I think you could save my life_

Life was full of difficult choices. This would be the hardest thing ever, I had no idea what would be right. My heart wanted to love Kurt, my head tried to keep calm and just be his friend. I could be sensible, but I didn't want to. Then again, it would mean some big changes, was I ready for that?

What would dating Kurt even mean? Maybe nothing too special at first, maybe getting him a pet-name, maybe kissing a bit. But at some point it would evolve to touching and even fondling. Would I be ready for that? I had been hurt, but at one point I should finally let go of it and let the new, good experiences come in. With Kurt, those experiences could be great.

If Kurt had told about this earlier, say, half a year ago, I would've definitely said no. I had been healing fast, Kurt was to be thanked about it. I had visited several therapists, but only Kurt had the ability of finding right words to comfort me. He didn't even need words all the time, he could just hug me and make it alright that way. I had never had a relationship like this before, it was amazing to know that what ever I said or did, Kurt understood me.

It was great to realize that Kurt would support me with everything. He could be the one to help me tear open the old scars and see them heal, this time it could be better. I'd sure be frightened of every single bit of development but it would be worth everything. I could trust that Kurt would count on me.

But would I be enough for Kurt? He deserved someone special and he wanted that special to be me. I could only offer myself, with all my flaws. I knew I had my good moments, but there were a lot of those others too. Too much too soon would kill me inside. I was really insecure, in a way. I loved performing and singing, singing because I could interpret how I felt and performing because I could hide who I truly was. In a committed relationship I would stand naked. With my clothes on, probably, but totally naked.

_Whataya want from me?_

I looked at Kurt, he was smiling at me, holding my hand. I watched our connected hands and lifted my other hand on them. I could cherish this, adore Kurt openly with every single cell of my body.

"You do realize that the happening of certain things could take some time?" I asked.

"Yes, and I don't care. I just want to be with you, know that your heart belongs to me. Oh, I'm sorry, that sounded stupid. I keep throwing things at your face, I'm so sorry," Kurt apologized.

"No, it's fine. You had my heart at Dalton, so that you know," I answered.

Kurt made a strange squealing noise, I turned to him and tried to figure out what that was about. He looked so simply delighted, I couldn't help but laugh. Apparently I had found the right words.

"That's enough. I can't lie that I wouldn't like some kissing and cuddling at some point, but well, this all is so new. I'm so excited just to hold your hand," Kurt stated.

"Well, so am I. Would you hug me?" I asked.

"Hug you? If I'm allowed?" Kurt asked. I answered with a nod, slowly Kurt pulled me closer and held me tight.

"I'll work it out, let's give it a try. I have way too much feelings for you to just say no," I whispered.

"Thank you, I'll help you with all I can," Kurt whispered back.

This could really lead us to something so beautiful.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Okay, I have two more left, so I'll post one today, because in Finland we get the gifts on xmas eve, and the second tomorrow, because so many other's get their presents on xmas day! XD Maybe not a good reason but well, that's how I roll this time XD

I saw Blaine right when it was time to run off stage for a while. Now I'd have a break for about fifteen minutes, then I'd be needed again. As far as I knew, Blaine had at least as long break as I had, he didn't have too much to be done during the first act. I knew he had seen me already, I walked behind him slowly and called his name. Blaine turned around slowly, his eyes going up and down on me as if he'd never seen me before.

"I know, the outfit is still so ridiculous. But the kids love it, so I don't mind that much. Not even if it's pretty uncomfortable too. I'm so looking forward to the change of clothes when I get to be the poor little dude on the streets," I said.

"Well, I do agree. But you love the kids so it wouldn't be in question to ask if something could be made for the outfit. You know, even minor changes might do the trick," Blaine stated.

"I doubt it. But well, Prince Charming has to look like one," I shrug my shoulders. Blaine get closer and put his arms behind my back.

"You look charming always, even if you have no clothes on," Blaine whispered to my ear.

"Even if I did, I couldn't exactly get on stage naked, there are kids watching the play," I pointed out.

"I know, they'd get traumatized of seeing such big things," Blaine laughed, I hit him lightly. "What, it's true?"

"Oh shut up, we've discussed this before," I tried to shush Blaine down.

"I know, and still I've never seen a bigger... thing than yours. And I'm not talking about feet here," Blaine whispered.

He really knew how to make me blush, I was all red. I could feel how my cheeks got more color, the awkward smile found it's way on my face.

"And here we go again. Come on dear, otherwise you'll need some more make-up on you! Or would you want a quickie first? Then they'd really have to work for their paycheck," Blaine joked around. His only goal was to make me blush more, and he really knew which words to choose to succeed.

It wasn't that I'd be afraid of my body or sex, but I didn't feel that comfortable about talking about them in a place where someone could overhear us. Not even if I was talking with only Blaine. I had my limits. In a way it was already an accomplishment that I could speak about those things quite openly. Not with everyone, but with those I wanted.

"I don't think we'd have enough time for a quickie," I said half-absentmindedly, it really felt like I should say at least something for him.

"What? You're going back on stage in like 13 minutes, how long are you thinking a quickie could be? Well, I maybe have to admit, that it's not that long, because you probably want to be here early waiting for the right moment to get back," Blaine sighed.

"We'll have the rest of the evening and night for or quickies. Or slowies, depending how you want to call them," I promised and kissed Blaine's cheek.

"Please, not the cheek! You'll mess my make-up! My lips are clean, use them for your evil purposes!" Blaine almost shouted.

I looked at him as if he was mentally ill. He actually probably was, but so was I. Of course kissing him was a part of my evil plans. What else could it have been? I smirked and brought my lips on a date with his.

Blaine had been lying, he had some tasty lipgloss on. I hadn't noticed it at first, there wasn't enough light. I couldn't think of any good reason his lipgloss would have some taste in it, he wasn't supposed to be kissing anyone. I would be the only one kissing anyone, and that'd only be a kiss to the cheek of the princess I was supposed to save.

"Tell me, why do you taste like strawberries?" I asked.

"Because I want to," Blaine simply answered.

"But don't those tasty lipglosses cost more than the usual ones? How can we afford those? This is a low-budget thingy," I continued.

"It's my own stuff! I want to taste nice when I kiss my baby when he's off stage," Blaine answered and pressed his forehead towards mine.

"Aww, that's nice. And so are you," I smiled and kissed him quickly.

"I know. And you're way nicer. But we don't need to argue about that now. What, it's always like an argument when we try to decide which one of us is nicer?" Blaine asked when I glared at him. "So, what would you like to do afterwards?"

"I don't know. Nothing special. Unless you want to do something special?" I asked.

"Well, we've been married for three years and seven months today, wouldn't it be nice to at least go out to eat?" Blaine suggested.

"Well, that's true. Still feels as if it was only yesterday. Yes, let's go eat somewhere nice. It also means that neither of us would need to cook tonight, it sounds great," I said honestly.

"Then it's decided. I can decide the place. The show's over by eight, we'll be there least by nine. I'm sure you want to go home to get changed and rest a bit. I know I do," Blaine suggested.

"I do. Are you going to tell me where were going?" I tried to ask. I knew the answer even before Blaine opened his mouth.

"No. It wouldn't be a surprise if I told you," he stated.

"Well that's true. Have I said today that I love you?" I asked.

"I'm not sure, actually. I do remember hearing it a while ago but was it today or yesterday, can't be sure. But I do love you too. A lot," Blaine smiled at me and stole a kiss.

"I adore you, the way you walk around, how you look, how you smile, how awesome you are. I could keep on going for ages but I think I need to get on stage soon," I said and remembered that we were still in the middle of a play.

We glanced towards the stage and found out that it'd be my turn to get back on stage really soon. Time had really flown.

"We can continue from here. You have to tell me everything about it once we get home. Not here or I'll get horny and that'd be mostly inappropriate," Blaine whispered to my ear and pushed me on stage.

I almost turned my head to look at Blaine once more but I couldn't do it anymore. It was time for Prince Charming to work his magic. Blaine could wait for a while. He knew and sensed that I loved him, that was enough.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Okay, time for the last one for this Christmas! Merry Christmas, Happy holidays and an awesome New Year to you all! ^^

"And that's when the little bear realized that he would never ever have to be alone. The End," I finished the fairytale and looked at Tom. He wasn't asleep yet, but looked a bit tired to me.

"That was a nice story," Tom said.

"It was. And as well as this little bear here, you will never be alone, we'll be there for you," I promised. I knew that at some phase both me and Blaine would die but well, now didn't seem like the right moment to talk about it. And anyway, by then he'd hopefully already have someone to love.

"Yes, you and dad. Guess what Alex said today at daycare?" Tom asked.

"Well, what did Alex say?" I asked.

"He said that it's strange that I have two dad's and no mum," Tom answered.

"Was he being mean to you?" I asked at once and noticed how my tone of voice changed. I pushed it away and decided to remain calm, no matter what my perfect child was about to tell me.

"No, he was just saying that it's strange. He has mum and dad, so does anyone else," Tom explained.

"I wouldn't say it's strange, it's just different. Me and dad love each other just as much as anyone else's parents. Maybe even more," I stated.

"I know. And I said that daddy and dad love each other and they love me," Tom said.

"That was a good thing to say. Did he say something else?" I asked, I really needed to know if this was something I should talk about with Alex's parents.

"I don't remember. He did ask if he could smack me," Tom remembered.

"WHAT? Why would he want to hit you? Did he do it? Oh I'm so calling his parents," I said indignantly.

"No, don't call them! He didn't want to hit me, he wanted to kiss," Tom explained.

I looked at Tom, amazed. I knew kids sort of fell in love already in daycares and kissed and so on, but really? These kids weren't even at school yet.

"So?" I asked.

"I let him kiss me. He had anyway kissed already Cassandra today," Tom answered.

"And?" I continued.

"I don't understand what's so great about it. But he wanted to know how it feels to kiss a boy and well, now we both know," Tom said.

"You do know that you can love anyone you want and it's okay with me and dad?" I reminded him.

"I do. But right now I like to play with friends, not smack them every once in a while," Tom sighed.

"I prefer you doing that too. Kissing can wait. But now, I believe it's time to try to get some sleep. We have to wake up early tomorrow," I smiled.

"Ok. Good night daddy," Tom yawned.

"Good night sweetheart," I answered and quickly kissed his cheek.

I walked to the door and turned to watch my son, who was already in sleep. Probably he just wanted to tell about Alex, maybe that had been the only thing keeping him awake. I smiled, turned the light off and closed the door. I uttered a laughter while thinking about Tom and Alex, that must've been an awkward moment between those two. Or not, they were still kids, they didn't know why it should've been awkward. They knew pretty much nothing about things being complicated, they just did what felt right. Somehow I wished I could be a kid again.

"So, did Tom fall asleep?" Blaine asked me when I entered the living room.

"I believe he did. At least he looked like it. Our boy has grown up," I sighed, sat next to Blaine and let my head rest on his shoulder.

"He sure has. A lot. Is there a specific reason for you to say so today?" Blaine asked.

"He has been kissed for the first time," I said, tried to keep my voice casual.

I felt exactly when Blaine understood what I had just told him. It took quite long, actually, I had been succesful in not letting my voice reveal a thing. I smiled wide as he gently pushed me a bit further. I stared deep into Blaine's eyes, saw the confusion in him. He got some of my calmness, this was no bad thing, there were no pedophiles going around that we knew of.

"What?" Blaine simply asked.

"You know that boy, Alex? He had said that it's weird that Tom has who dads and no mum. Then he had just wanted to know how it feels like to kiss a boy. Oh, the term Tom used was smack, maybe it's in now, don't get confused. It doesn't mean that he got hit, he got kissed," I explained.

"But isn't Alex that boy that was 'dating' some girl?" Blaine asked and made huge air quotes.

"He is. I understood that it was just a one time thing, just trying out. Tom isn't too interested about kissing yet," I laughed.

"Well, I like it that way. He's still a bit young to have boy- or girlfriends. Or is it just me?" Blaine asked.

"I agree, he's a bit young. But then again, we have grown old too. Or should it be said that we've matured? Thinking about hitting the big 35 next spring makes me feel old," I joked.

"And yet you haven't changed at all. From the inside, I mean, the outside has got even more handsome," Blaine leaned on and whispered to my ear.

"I must've got it from you," I whispered back and kissed him.

Even after all these years every single kiss with Blaine was a fresh adventure to the world of pleasure. He was gentle or rough, everything that I needed at the time. Cuddling with him was the best thing ever.

"You know, I love you more, day by day," I said to him and gently let my lips touch his cheek.

"I'll be yours forever," he answered and made my inside turn upside down.

"Let's go to bed."

"But, but, it's not even late yet!"

"It will be once we're going to sleep."

"Do I think what you're thinking?"

"I believe you do. Come on now, love!"

"Oh, teehee, well, okay. I love you."

"Love you too," I answered and pushed him to the bedroom in front of me. It was such a good thing that Tom's room was on the other side of the house.


End file.
